Public Indecency
by Frannie-pants
Summary: Over the years, the Cullens have had their fair share of pranks. A few resulted misunderstandings ended in quite a few arrests... Includes Emmett and Edwards indecent exposure, Jasper's arrest for battery, Esme's hit and run, and many more.


_7/4/008  
Breakdown156  
__**AN: **_Okay, this is a bit of a crack fic. It's 5 am and I haven't slept. Just a warning :P

_**Public Indecency **_

**Alice POV**

"Edward, what are y—OH MY GOD," The site before me was mortifying, the image would never be erased from my mind. There was Edward, squatting over near the park bench, bare-ass nude. Thank God he decided to leave on his shirt. I ran to the other side of the bench hoping to get away, and if I wasn't already permanently blinded then this sure as hell did it. Emmett decided to remove all of his clothing on the other side and squat. I felt the need to be sick.

"Like what ya see, Alice?" Emmett proclaimed, obviously proud of his nudity. Edward was smiling so wide, I didn't think it was possible.

"Alice, where's Edward, he said he'd be back in a—" I heard Bella gasp at the site of our dear nude Eddie, sounding like a fish out of water.

"Oh baby…" I heard her mumble before she fainted, I got her before she fell. I'm just too nice, aren't I? Hah.

"Bella, are you—" I picked her up as he tried to stand up, but fell down due to the remainder of his jeans around his ankles still. I had never been so repulsed in my life.

Except when I saw Rosalie and Emmett… 'making love' as they would call it, on Jasper and I's bed! Sounded more like a horror movie to me. I'll never forget that… Emmett was wearing my nurse costume! Stiletto's and all.

I decided to leave them there to see how long this would last. I think I knew who was behind this one. Still, the image of my brothers nude… So…gross, AHHH. I readjusted Bella and basically flew back to the house. I wasn't leaving Bella with those two. Who knows what the hell they were planning.

**Jasper POV**

I can't believe I actually got them to do it! It's amazing what Edward will do when you threaten his beloved Volvo. I… don't know why Emmett decided to. He jumps at ANY chance to be nude in public.

Mooning unsuspecting people in the park. This was a new low for Edward. Emmett… Not so much… I shuddered just thinking about the atrocities I had witnessed with him. You'd think that the man's wanger would fall off after so much sex, it's not right! You don't let people walk in on you like that, especially on purpose! Ugh, that makes me feel the need to take a cold shower… I feel so dirty now.

"Ooooh, gimme some of that sweetcheeks!" oh no, not her. What was she doing here? This is going to be interesting. I watched Jessica Stanley walk over to Edward's bent over form, she was probably planning on raping him or something.

I sent a wave of hilarity towards her, not wanting to be responsible for the raping of Edward and loss of his virginity. The deal for the Volvo was that he couldn't move from his spot for another hour and… 56 minutes. I bit my lip trying not to laugh, so they wouldn't see me with the video camera. I almost choked on my own tongue when Jessica pulled out a purple sharpie and proceeded to draw a face on Edward's rear-end.

"There, Mr. sexy cheeks is hungry. ohm nom nom nom. I like foooood," She proceeded to flap his butt cheeks around feeding them blades of grass. Edward's rage and embarrassment was turning to pure disgust. I decided Emmett needed some lovin' too, so I sent her a wave of boredom, as she went over to Emmett. Suddenly I heard sirens, and Jessica got up and sprinted into the bathroom. Was there a robbery or something?

Then I heard the cops run over towards Edward and Emmett. Emmett turned around and burst out laughing. I didn't understand until the cop in front turned around. It was none other than Charlie Swan. His face was so red, and veins were literally popping out of his forehead. He was furious, no beyond that. He was _livid_, it was rolling off of him in waves. Edward was purely mortified, and Emmett was… proud?

"What. The. Fuck." Was all Charlie could manage as he grabbed Edward and drug him to his feet.

"Put your pants on, for Christ's sake. Both of you." He yelled taking out a pair of handcuffs. Another officer was laughing uncontrollably, as he handed Charlie his pair of handcuffs.

"Your both arrested for public indecency. Anything you say can and **WILL **be used against you." He growled, handcuffing Edward a little more rough than necessary, than Emmett a little softer.

"HEY, HEY YOU. WHO'S BEHIND THE TREE?!" Uh oh. Time for me to make my escape. Heeeeheeee. I had never run so fast in my life. I heard Edward cursing my mother as I left.

"YOU WILL NEVER SEE ALICE'S LIBRARIAN COSTUME AGAIN!" Was the last thing I heard as I ran.

_AN_: Reviews are great. I'm not sure if I'm going to add a few more pranks on, or not. Reviews might help me make up my mind though :


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